Have you ever felt silly? So silly, that you want to hide away in a dark corner? Well, if you have, you know how I feel when my Mistress tells someone my full, pedigree name.
Everyone calls me Bozo. That is what it says on my collar. But what everyone does not know is that my pedigree name is; Emperor Bozumptuous-Plumptuous Suet-Pudding the Third.
See what I mean? If I were ten times bigger it would not be so bad. But to have a name that is ten times bigger than yourself, is just plain silly.
Now the other day I was in the Post Office with my Mistress. It was busy, so we were standing in a long queue. In front of us was Nellie with her Mistress. I have seen Nellie lots of times and I must say I do rather like the look of her. But I could never let her know this, for she is very snooty. She never sniffs around the floor, which, I think, is an interesting and worthwhile thing to do. No, she always keeps her nose primly in the air. But then, if you are a pretty Pekinese, I suppose you do have something to be snooty about.
So I stood with my nose in the air, pretending that I had
not noticed Nellie at all. Then I heard my Mistress say to
Nellie's Mistress;
”Oh, yes, my little fellow is a pedigree too!”
If I had been wearing boots, my heart would have dropped
to the bottom of them, for I knew what she would say next.
“His full name is Emperor Bozumptuous-Plumptuous Suet-Pudding
the Third,” she said proudly, in her best toffee-nosed voice.
I felt sure everyone in the Post Office turned around to look
at me. Then, to make matters worse, she gave my nose a good wipe
with her hankie.
“The little darling has such a problem with the snuffles,” she said.
I did not know where to look. My ears began to tingle and my
eyes to water.
But then, thank Heavens, there came a sudden crash as the Post Office door flew open. There followed such a barking, shouting and shoving that everyone's attention moved to two scruffy boys and a dog who had charged in for a bit of showing off. Their dog, not on a lead, of course, was a great, horrible brute. I had seen him before; he is in a gang that causes lots of trouble in the area. They give me the wibblywobbles whenever I see them.
The next thing is, this same horrid brute sees Nellie and lollops over to take a closer look. Shoving me aside, he stands over her with a big slobbery grin, as if he were really somebody.
Nellie did not enjoy his attention one bit and wrinkled her nose. He did, in fact, pong quite a bit. Then he moved his ugly mug closer to take a good sniff. This worried Nellie so she dodged between her Mistress's legs causing her almost to trip over. This is quite enough, I thought. My temper got up and I started to tremble from nose to tail. Without a thought for my own safety I sank my teeth into his back leg, right on the tender bit. Did he yelp! I may be small but I chew loads of ChoppaChews, so I do have quite a bite. He shot out of the Post Office like a rocket with both boys in pursuit.
I got lots of fuss from lots of people after that, especially from Nellie's Mistress. But, best of all, I got more than one admiring look from Nellie herself. I am rather looking forward to our next trip to the Post Office.
©Ed jones 2008